


Ill boy, don't cry too much.

by kittysneaker



Category: Persona 4
Genre: BAD GRAMMA WARNING, Bad Spelling & Grammar, DONT @ ME DJHDG, Depressing, Eating Disorder, M/M, Prob OOC, not really souyo but ok, okay seriously its sensitive, self harm warning!!!, sensitive topic?, sorry - Freeform, souyo - Freeform, vent fic, yep OOC, yosuke is depressed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:55:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,899
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24006208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittysneaker/pseuds/kittysneaker
Summary: "Yosuke?" He repeat, when he reach down to pull Yosuke's arm, the brunette hissed and pull away from him harshly. Souji knew he didn't pull that hard and Yosuke didn't seem like he were hurt anywhere, what's gotten onto him? Is it the shadow?"Senpai? Are you hurt anywhere?" Kanji asked, he walk pass the girls and reach down to pull him up from the floor, this only caused Yosuke to panic and trashing even more."No-!! Don't!""Senpai! Stop trashing around!""Yosuke-""It's hurt! It's hurt! It's hurt! LET GO! ARGH!"Tears rolling down his face as Kanji accidentally pulled him too hard. Yosuke's view almost turn black as loud ranging echoing his ears. Did his wound opened again? He didn't want to know! Thankfully Souji were there to catch him before he collapse onto the ground again."Fuck- Senpai- I'm- I'm sorry!" Kanji cursed, his vision blurred."Yosuke? Yosuke!" Souji sound desperate and panicked, his strong arm wrapped tightly around him.He feel like he's underwater. Before he could respond, darkness consume him without difficulty."Partner!!"
Relationships: Hanamura Yosuke/Narukami Yu, Hanamura Yosuke/Persona 4 Protagonist, Hanamura Yosuke/Seta Souji
Kudos: 50





	Ill boy, don't cry too much.

**Author's Note:**

> vent fic cos bro i need to vent so i torture Yoosk,  
> anyway, the tittle + lyrics in this fanfic are from 'Isn't menhera a god?' by takayan,  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HopX6nZu7Pw ( i have this song in loop for hours now bruh)  
> i think the song fit Yosuke so much? hmm..

**_I'm born even though I don't want to be born,_ **

_**But it's fine right? After all I'm born to leave damage.** _

  
Yosuke stare blankly at his wrist as blood slowly tricking down into the sink. It's different day but same shit.  
Same jeers, same bad name calling, same judgmental day and same people throwing hate at him like it was religious thing to do in their daily life.  
  
"Oh look, it's Hanamura the loser!"  
  
"Trash prince of Junes!"  
  
"He is Inaba's biggest embarrassment!"  
  
"Do he have brain? He should feel embarrassed to show his face around here."  
  
 _"Just kill yourself already, Hana-chan!"_  
  
 ** _Flush._**  
  
Once he done flushed the third paper tissues of the day into the toilet bowl and make sure no spot left, Yosuke pulled down his sleeve and step out of the bathroom. He almost gag at the sudden food smell that floating in the air, the smell he used to love before his family move to Inaba. He's pretty sure his mother cook teriyaki for their dinner to celebrate his dad success on making Junes more popular, in other word, making more of their neighbors hate him and blaming him for their small business got shut down. Slowly made his way to the kitchen area, his family members already digging into their food, Teddy look like he hasn't eat in weeks.  
  
"Yosuke, there you are! Teddy almost eat your part, you know?" His mother said when he approach them. He sit on the empty seat next to the blonde, burning gaze at the fried chicken with heavy flavoring sauce in front of him. He use to droll over at the crispiness of the fried chicken when he was 12, he use to ask his mother to make him teriyaki for school lunch when he was 13, his mother teriyaki use to be his favorite food when he was 14. Now just looking at it makes him gag.  
  
Not wanting to draw attention and concern from both of his parent, the brunette stab chopstick into the teriyaki softly. It make squishy sound as sauce oozing out of it, It's a drool worthy sight in everyone's eyes but it's disgusting in Yosuke's eyes. He force the food into his mouth and munching on it slowly, he try his best to avoid the food from touching his tongue and close his eyes.  
  
"Nee, nee, miss Hanamura! Can Teddy please have another bowl?? Your teriyaki are beary delicious!" Teddy said, bouncing in his seat next to him. Yosuke hear his mom laugh, amused with the blonde's bubbly personality, "Here you go Teddy, you can have it as many as you want."  
  
Yosuke swallow, as much as he dislike the taste, he have to act like he at least enjoyed it.  
  
"Hey Ted, do you want mine?" He turn to look at the blonde and offered, Teddy's eyes light with joy. "Really? Teddy can have this marvelous meal?" He asked, Yosuke nodded with a halfhearted grin. Teddy snatch the bowl from his hand and pour the fried chicken into his mouth with delight noise.  
  
Yosuke get up from his seat and announce to his parent that he have school project to do. His parent let him go, they didn't doubt him, nor did notice how suspicious he act, he was their son after all, why would he lie?  
  
Teddy and his parent watch the television downstairs while the brunette cross another day on the calendar inside his table drawer, a few weeks left before it reach to the date he circle with red marker.

\-----------------------------

_**It's boring. It's boring, but I still had to fake a smile.  
I don't have meaning to live. I don't understand anyone.** _

**_OMG! It's too dull, I don't want to go out anymore._ **

**_Everyone looks the same but I like it. I want to be loved but not too much,_ **

****  
"Sup guys!" Yosuke greet energetically as he made his way to his classroom table, The group stopped from their previous conversation to greet him. "Morning, Yosuke." Souji said, face softened upon his arrival. "Morning!" Chie said, Yukiko followed after her but with less energy than her.  
  
"So like, we will be practicing again today or?" Yosuke ask once he sat down on his seat. "We were just discussing about that, You were so slow, Yosuke!" Chie retort. Yosuke rolled his eyes.  
  
"Sorry Miss Satonaka, my bike are less faster than your strong legs." He shot back sarcastically,  
  
"You mind replay what insults you throw at my legs?!" Chie stand from his seat, Yosuke ready to receive any strong kick from brunette. He already use at getting foot shove into his mouth anyway.  
  
"He didn't insult your legs, Chie, did he?" Yukiko interrupt, raising eyebrow confusedly.  
  
"Yukiko! Don't back him up! Beside, you should know the different between being sarcastic or not!"  
  
"Okay, calm down." Souji cut her off before she could rip Yosuke's head from his body.  
"We will be practicing today as usual, a few day left before the fog came back." The leader explain.   
  
The group nodded, "I'll let Rise and the others know, we meet at Junes food court at 3pm today, got it?"  
Yosuke, Chie and Yukiko muttered a _yes_ before their teacher came in and class started as usual.  
  


\-----------------------------

**_Give your fake smile cause life is boring.  
Ok, no one know the meaning of living, You don't have to be a Yes-man.  
Blame them rather than blame yourself,_ **

  
Everyone are exhausted but they didn't stop,  
they keep fought with every last of the shadow in the shadow world, sweat trickling down their face and breathe hitching,   
aside from the tiredness, they seem eager to win.

Too busy catching his breath, Yosuke didn't notice a huge black shadow appear behind him.

"Yosuke! Behind you!" Chie yelled,

Just as Yosuke turn around, the huge shadow with liquid alike body texture jump at him, Yosuke close his eyes on reflex as his back connected to the ground. The brunette's scream echoing the dungeon.

Souji dash toward the brunette and slash the shadow with his katana before it could do any more damage. Black liquid splashing everywhere, the shadow slowly disappear into the air, some of the black liquid get onto Yosuke's face. Fortunately, the liquid wasn't harmful.

Yosuke were laying down with wide eyes and breathing heavily as Souji approach him, "Yosuke? You okay?" He offered a hand but when the brunette didn't take it, his worried grew deeper. The investigation team finished what they're doing and rush toward the brunette.

"Yosuke?" He repeat, when he reach down to pull Yosuke's arm, the brunette hissed and pull away from him harshly. Souji knew he didn't pull that hard and Yosuke didn't seem like he were hurt anywhere, what's gotten onto him? Is it the shadow?

"Senpai? Are you hurt anywhere?" Kanji asked, he walk pass the girls and reach down to pull him up from the floor, this only caused Yosuke to panic and trashing even more.

"No-!! Don't!" 

"Senpai! Stop trashing around!"

"Yosuke-"  
 _ **  
"It's hurt! It's hurt! It's hurt! LET GO! ARGH!"**_

  
Tears rolling down his face as Kanji accidentally pulled him too hard. Yosuke's view almost turn black as loud ranging echoing his ears. Did his wound opened again? He didn't want to know! Thankfully Souji were there to catch him before he collapse onto the ground again.

"Fuck- Senpai- I'm- I'm sorry!" Kanji cursed, his vision blurred.  
"Yosuke? Yosuke!" Souji sound desperate and panicked, his strong arm wrapped tightly around him.  
He feel like he's underwater. Before he could respond, darkness consume him without difficulty.

_**"Partner!!"**_

\-----------------------------

**_Afterall, you're living your own way.  
Keep on sobbing, sobbing, Still goes sobbing, sobbing,  
Not enough sobbing, Until the day you beat yourself._ **

Yosuke woke up with heavy headache he ever had in his entire life. Cursing, he slowly blink away the grogginess away.  
When his vision clearer, the brunette eyebrows rose together in confusion. Where is he? He's pretty sure this isn't his room! Why is it so bright? Why is it so white?

Yosuke's face pale when he realized where he were, he were laying down on hospital bed. He start panicking and try to get off the bed, only hissed in pain when he try to move his arm, IV tube is connected to it. "What..?"

_"Yosuke?"_

Yosuke look up from the IV tube to look at the owner of the voice, Souji stirred up from what look like his nap. Yosuke didn't notice he were sitting next to his bed, what kind of sleeping drugs they gave him?

"Partner?" Yosuke asked instead of responding, It took the grey haired male a second before he launch toward him and pulled Yosuke into embrace to Yosuke suprise, they had hugged before but this just..? So sudden, he wasn't prepare. Souji then let go of him after awhile and took a hold of his bony cold hand. "Yosuke, I- I, we- we almost-" Souji stammered, It's a rare sight to see their poker face leader to lost of word, but he did now. He look like he were about to cry, yet he look relief, his face mix of happiness and sadness.

He about to ask Souji what happen when it came crashing him.  
The shadow world, the dungeon, the huge shadow, Souji, Kanji pulled him and...

**_his wound opened._ **

He tear his gaze from Souji to look at his arm, His arm now covered with many bandage.

Souji knew, _**They knew.**_

The door slide open but he didn't look up. He didn't need to see the disappointment and mocking face of his friends or whoever decide to enter his room. Heh, he must look so pathetic right now. God, he's so embarrassing.

"Souji-? Is Yosuke-" Chie got cut off when she turn to look at him, 

Yosuke avoided their gaze by simply rubbing his bandaged arm. Souji still holding his hand, surprisingly he didn't pull away.

Chie rush toward him and raise her arm, If she was gonna hit him for being alive then he'll allow it. He's too weak to dodge her attack now anyway. He were prepare for the pain but it didn't came, instead, Chie pulled him into hug. 

"You idiot! We almost lose you!! I was so worried!!!" She cried, Yosuke didn't hug back. Eyes wide from the shock.

Souji still holding his hand and rub his knuckle with his thumb gently.

"I,You.. Yosuke- I..what did we do? Why did you that?" Chie asked as tears rolling down her face, she look frustrated but not angry,  
Yosuke bite his bottom lips, he look up, Souji were looking at him with concern. He want to run away, he want to sink into the hospital bed. He would do anything to escape this situation.

The door slide open again, this time, the whole investigation team made their way in.

Kanji look distress, Yukiko and Naoto look worried, Rise look like she was just crying and trying to cheer wailing Teddy. Kanji open his mouth to say something but shut it back when he realized Yosuke were awake. "Senpai-?"

"YOSUKEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!" Teddy wail as he ran past Kanji to jump on Yosuke's hospital bed. Yosuke let out loud oof, making Souji stand up from his seat. "Why would you do that? Teddy is beary scare! Yosuke! Is it Teddy fault? Are you angry with Teddy that you want to leave??" Teddy crying onto the sheet.

"Teddy..I-"

"Teddy promise, I will be a good boy! Don't be sad Yosuke!! I won't eat your part again..,So please don't don't try to leave Teddy..Teddy will be beary lonely!" Teddy added between sobs, Souji alarmed, he look from Teddy to Yosuke. Was Teddy eat all Yosuke's meal?  
No wonder Yosuke became so thin. When he lift Yosuke at the dungeon, he worried at how light Yosuke is and how he can feel bone under his school blazer.

"I'm.."

"I'm sorry." Yosuke apologized, that's all he could mumble. Other word seem difficult for him to speak.  
Yosuke look away from the blonde, he hold onto his bandaged arm.

_**"I'm sorry.."**_ He repeat, sound broke by any seconds.

"This wouldn't happen if I'm not that stupid..but, I'm..always do, am I?" Yosuke added with light chuckled. Everyone is frowning except him. He sound borderline mix between sadness and happy.  
"I can't even die properly, how pathetic can I be?"

"Yosuke, don't say that.." Souji spoke,

"But It's true right? If I'm not that stupid-"

**"Then we'll lose you."**

Souji finished him off. Yosuke startled when Souji suddenly placed a hand on his cheek.

"And we don't want that- what would we do if you die?"

"Partner-"

"I, I won't, do you think I'll forgive myself if you die?" Souji said, He sound just as broke as Yosuke.

"You don't have to go that far, Partner, _**I'm not worth it.** "_

He took a hold of Souji hand and give it a weak squish before turn to look at the Investigation team member's faces.

"I don't understand why you guys would go so far for someone pathetic like me."

"Yosuke-senpai.." Rise said weakly, but then she lost of word, Yosuke took the opportunity to add more,  
"You could've just let me die, leave me, abandon me, mock me while you had time,, like..like everyone did."

"We're not that _everyone_ , Yosuke-senpai." Kanji respond,

"We're the investigation team." Chie added, she offered him a sad smile.

"We wouldn't let you die, we wouldn't leave you, we wouldn't abandon you and we wouldn't mock you." Naoto said.

  
"That's what team are for, right?" Rise said, Yukiko nodded.

Yosuke touched, but deep down, he still feel empty.  
He wonder why, was he too damaged to accept the fact this wasn't made up lies?

Souji lean in and pulled him into another hug, their leader really doesn't understand the concept of space does he?  
Beside, hugging is just for girls!

"We got you." He said, then he lean closer to Yosuke's ears,  
"I got you, _partner_." He whispered,

Yosuke's face heated. "Okay- Y,Yeah, okay." He push Souji away, but not too hard. Just to build some space between them.

"I..thanks, everyone." He look up and give a smile, this time, It's a sincere one.

\-----------------------------

**_Forgive yourself and live freely,_ _please don't cry so much,  
_ _"It's a blessing to be born"_ **

Yosuke got discharged after three weeks, he was too underweight that he had to stay under intensive care and being tube feeding.  
He also got treatment to help him relieving emotional distress and mental health problems. It was a tough week, but his friends are rooting for him, Kanji apologized to him more than thirty time saying it was his fault for pulling Yosuke too hard which is technically it's not cause he's already hurt to begin with, He made him plush, Chie sometimes visit and brought laptop to watch Movie with him, Yukiko brought him fruits, Rise brought him new record to listen to, Naoto brought him books, Teddy brought him candy and Souji on the other hand, volunteer to accompany him when his parent busy with work. There's not a single day where Souji would miss to visit him. He also stayed up at night and went to school normally the next morning. Souji spent most of his free time visiting him and taking care of him. He owed Souji so much.

When he got discharged, Souji were there too. It was lunch time and Souji decided to ditch school so he could visit Yosuke.  
Yosuke look healthy as ever and feel a lot better psychically and mentally.

"Sup?" The brunette said when Souji came into his view, his parent were signing up bunch of paper while he waiting outside of the hospital, sitting on the bench with milk carton in one hand.  
"Congrats." Souji said,  
"For what? for not dying?" Yosuke snicker.

"Yosuke." Souji didn't laugh, he sound serious.

"heheh, just kidding! thank you by the way."

Souji hummed, he then snake his hand into his school bag and pulled out bouquet of daisy before hand them to the brunette, Yosuke's eyes widen in shock. "Here, for you." He offered with gentle smile,

"Partner- You- You don't have to!" Yosuke's face burning as he protested,

"Well, I want to." Souji said with a shrug,  
Yosuke pout for a moment before grinning sheepishly, he took the bouquet carefully from the taller one and hug it in his arm,

"I..Uh.. this is so sappy of you, uhm, thank you so much, partner."  
Souji nodded in return,he then took the empty seat next to the brunette, 

"I'm proud of you." Souji said,

"Yeah?"

"You're so strong, all of this? I can't imagine how scary it'd be to stuck here."

Yosuke crocked his head to side,   
"Well..It less scary cause you were always there for me, partner, you know that?"

Souji didn't respond, but he look like he were thinking of something.

"Here, wanna share? The granny next to my bed gave this to me." Yosuke offered the milk carton he was drinking,   
Souji took it and began to suck from the straw.  
Yosuke down at the daisies and smile, his fingers play with the petals gently.

"mm." Souji hummed between the straw,

"hmm?"

"do you think this is like, indirect kiss?"

Yosuke took awhile to process before his face turn redder than tomato,

"Urgh! Partner!!"


End file.
